Christine Comaford

Nov 18

Have you ever wondered why people do what they do — or why certain conversations leave you frustrated, confused, or even defensive? Here’s what I’ve learned: beneath every conversation, decision, or even purchase, humans are seeking the same three things: safety, belonging, and mattering. Safety: ...Read more

Have you ever wondered why people do what they do — or why certain conversations leave you frustrated, confused, or even defensive? Here’s what I’ve learned: beneath every conversation, decision, or even purchase, humans are seeking the same three things: safety, belonging, and mattering. Safety: The feeling that we can relax, speak, and act without fear of judgment or harm. Belonging: The reassurance that we’re part of something, that we’re seen as equal, and that we matter to others. Mattering: The deep sense that who we are is valued, appreciated, and uniquely important. Think about it, even small moments, like picking a product or sharing an opinion, are often guided by these needs. When we notice this, something shifts: judgment softens, connection deepens, and empathy becomes natural. Here’s a simple practice you can try today: the next time someone triggers a reaction in you, pause for a moment. Ask yourself: “What might they really be seeking right now?” It could be safety, belonging, or the feeling that they matter. Just noticing this can completely change the energy of your interaction. Life is full of people, and the magic happens when we honor these basic human needs — in ourselves and in others. ✨ When we do, conversations transform. Connections deepen. Relationships flourish. #HumanBehavior #EmotionalIntelligence #SafetyBelongingMattering #Connection #Leadership #Empathy #MindfulCommunication

Nov 15

The holidays often bring joy… and a little tension. What if you could approach family, friends, and co-workers with more ease, understanding, and presence — even in stressful situations? Join me for “Survive & Thrive During the Holidays” at Book Passage, where we’ll explore: How to understand oth...Read more

The holidays often bring joy… and a little tension. What if you could approach family, friends, and co-workers with more ease, understanding, and presence — even in stressful situations? Join me for “Survive & Thrive During the Holidays” at Book Passage, where we’ll explore: How to understand others’ perspectives without judgment Communication strategies that actually work Tools to create meaningful connection, belonging, and joy Make this season less about stress and more about connection. 💫 Nov 20, 3:30pm -5:30pm Book Passage, Corte Madera RSVP here: https://www.bookpassage.com/event/survive-and-thrive-during-holidays-christine-comaford

Nov 13

Ever notice how two people can live side by side, grow up in the same neighborhood… and still see the world completely differently? That’s because each of us has our own map of the world — shaped by our experiences, beliefs, and values. When we forget that, misunderstanding creeps in. When we reme...Read more

Ever notice how two people can live side by side, grow up in the same neighborhood… and still see the world completely differently? That’s because each of us has our own map of the world — shaped by our experiences, beliefs, and values. When we forget that, misunderstanding creeps in. When we remember it, compassion returns. 💛 Try this today: instead of assuming someone should see things your way, get curious about their map. Ask, “What’s true for you right now?” Because life isn’t about changing someone’s map — it’s about exploring it. ✨ The more we step onto each other’s maps, the more we create meaning, kindness, and connection together. And if you're in the Bay Area, join me at my upcoming class at Book Passage, Corte Madera on Nov 20th where we will practice these tools in person. https://www.bookpassage.com/event/survive-and-thrive-during-holidays-christine-comaford #EmotionalIntelligence #Compassion #Connection #Leadership #NeuroscienceOfConnection

Oct 24

When we feel ignored or dismissed, the amygdala — the brain’s threat detection center — activates. It interprets social rejection as a potential danger, triggering a stress response that can cause withdrawal, defensiveness, or heightened emotional reactivity. Simply feeling seen, heard, and acknow...Read more

When we feel ignored or dismissed, the amygdala — the brain’s threat detection center — activates. It interprets social rejection as a potential danger, triggering a stress response that can cause withdrawal, defensiveness, or heightened emotional reactivity. Simply feeling seen, heard, and acknowledged can calm the amygdala and engage the prefrontal cortex, helping us respond thoughtfully instead of reactively. A 3-step way to calm your nervous system and communicate with compassion. 1️⃣ Pause: Take one slow breath in, exhale twice as long. Remind yourself, “I’m safe. I can slow down.” This calms the amygdala and brings your thinking brain back online. 2️⃣ Presence: Shift from “me vs. them” to “we.” Get curious: “What might they be feeling or needing right now?” 3️⃣ Phrase: Use influence phrases to invite connection: “Would it be helpful if…?” “What if we tried…?” “I need your help understanding…” 🧠 Why it works: Calm creates connection. When you self-regulate first, others feel it too — and real dialogue becomes possible.

Oct 23

Have you ever felt invisible in a conversation? Maybe someone interrupts you, dismisses your point, or simply moves on without acknowledging your perspective. That moment isn’t just frustrating — it actually triggers your nervous system. Your brain interprets it as rejection, a threat to belonging ...Read more

Have you ever felt invisible in a conversation? Maybe someone interrupts you, dismisses your point, or simply moves on without acknowledging your perspective. That moment isn’t just frustrating — it actually triggers your nervous system. Your brain interprets it as rejection, a threat to belonging and safety. That’s why we feel upset, withdrawn, or even shut down entirely. Here’s the good news: you don’t have to stay stuck in that cycle. One of my favorite tools is Influencing Phrases — simple, inviting statements that help others step out of defensiveness and into connection. For example: ✨ “Would it be helpful if I shared my perspective?” ✨ “What if I need your help understanding this?” These phrases create safety. They signal curiosity and respect, not judgment or pressure. And here’s the tip I want you to try today: Notice the next time you feel unheard, pause, and lead with a phrase that invites collaboration instead of conflict. You’ll be surprised how quickly the energy in the conversation shifts when you meet resistance with calm and curiosity. When we learn to communicate this way, we don’t just protect ourselves — we invite others to feel safe, seen, and valued too. Join my upcoming class where we will explore exactly this! Nov 5 11am PT/2pm ET https://smarttribes.lpages.co/sti-experiences/